From Imposter to “Local Tourist” (Martinez Vargas)
By Ana Martinez Vargas
As my time in London ends, I realize that the routine I have comfortably settled into here is not mine. At first, adjusting to the city’s fast pace and the community’s unspoken rules took a lot of work. Still, a few weeks in, I was a master of the tube (London’s underground system) and picked up my London speed as if I had always known it. (“London Speed” is a term me and my friends I used to talk about how fast everyone walked from tube to tube or place to place in the city.) In these last few weeks, I was on my regular commute to class when I started to feel like an imposter.
I would be on the tube on my way to class, staring at the window as we passed from station to station, when it would hit me that this was not my life. This fast-paced, walk everywhere, conversion of pounds to dollars in my head lifestyle was not mine. It felt like I was living a lie, and every day I would experience that sense of imposter syndrome at least once. My regular coffee at Pret (the Dunkin Donuts of the UK), my coffee shop study session at Gails (chain bakery/coffee shop,) and my bi-weekly grocery run at Lidl (grocery store) were all not my normal. Over the last four months, all of these things became second nature, and I never really thought about not being able to live like this back home. I always knew my time here was on a timer, but I didn’t consider leaving it behind would affect me to this degree. Finally, after a few days of feeling like a fake Londoner, I realized I needed to return.
I want to come back and visit all of my favorite places, but since I have spent these past four months living in the city, I am a local on a superficial level. When I return, I want to visit all my favorite touristy places. While thinking about coming back, I realized that this feeling of imposter syndrome was me trying to pin myself as a local Londoner. I am not a local Londoner. I am a local tourist. I say this because I have only spent four short months in London. Even then, much of that time was spent traveling Europe. Locals live in their area for much more than four months; they spend years and years in an area. There was never “nothing to do” in London; there was always another place to explore, another place to be, another thing to see. I have always been a tourist here. But, I spent more time exploring the city than most tourists coming for a week or two. Even then, I needed more than four months to see everything I wanted because I often discovered new places.
I will only be a Londoner if I move to London indefinitely. But I will forever be a local tourist in this city, and I am perfectly okay with that. I think “local tourist” is a forever status, at least in London. I say this because even if I return in a few months or years, I will always remember the tube’s rules, the city’s pace, the local chains, and my favorite spots. So, I’ll say both when people ask me if I feel more like a local or a tourist. I don’t know the city well enough like true locals, but I know the city too much to be a tourist. So, I am perfectly and imperfectly in the middle; a Local Tourist.
Gail’s — a popular local London bakery/cafe with branches all over the city.
